Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 9 March 2009

image for Obama Channels Lincoln to Use Implied Powers
The Richter Scale measured the seismic disturbance of Lincoln rolling over in his grave

During the American Civil War (1861 to 1865), United States President Abraham Lincoln often referred to or used his "implied powers" to get things done and hold the union together. New United States President Barack Hussein Obama, on the 200th anniversary of the birth of Abraham Lincoln, has also decided to use his implied powers.

In a press conference from the White House, Obama said that "the President of this country has powers that go beyond the Constitution to get things done. We are in a state of war against the economy right now and I cannot make the necessary changes if my hands are tied by rules, laws, precedents, and other restraints.

Some acts that Obama has done using his "implied powers" include the following:

  • Dissolving the United States Supreme Court "They are mostly old Republicans anyway and were going to be speedbumps on our road to progress."
  • Changing the term of President from 4 years to lifetime, effective now "You can't expect me to improve this country if I have to run for re-election and only have a maximum of eight years?"
  • Increasing the income tax on non-blacks making more than $25 K a year to 50%. "Hey, someone's got to pay for the bailout and it ain't gonna be the brothers cuz we don't work."
  • Outlawing the Republican Party, the Libertarian Party, the Green Party and all but one political party in the United States. "America needs to be united right now, and that kind of disagreement needs to go away."


Obama also announced that "FOX News better get with the program. If they don't get rid of their mumbo jumbo and start running Jefferson's reruns, I'm gonna have to shut them down."

As the Supreme Court has been dissolved, no one can argue the Constitutionality of these moves.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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