Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Jessica Simpson

Monday, 9 March 2009

image for Jessica Simpson Back In Her Daisy Duke Short Shorts
A photo taken of Jessica Simpson while she was on vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (photo courtesy of Tony Romo)

PAINT LICK, Kentucky - The slim and trim version of Jessica Simpson is back! She certainly gave the concert-goers at The Salamander Stroganoff Festival in Paint Lick, Kentucky there money's worth and more.

Je-Si pranced and danced and swayed and sashayed her 28-year-old body in her little tight-fitting Daisy Duke denim cut-off short shorts.

And the Texas-born gal revealed a lot of her slenderized upper thighs to the contentment of everyone in the audience.

Shouts of "Wow! Take them shorts off!" "Now that's a fine-lookin' ass!" and "Give me a kiss luscious lips" could be heard echoing throughout the music hall, and the remarks from the men were even more explicit.

In between singing "A Public Affair" and "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" Simpson told the audience that she had gone into her closet and vowed that she would soon be getting back into the Daisy Duke short shorts that she had worn in the movie The Dukes of Hazzard.

Jessica said that she looked at a movie photo of her sexy slim body wearing her skimpy bikini swimsuit in the car washing scene and she knew that she would be looking that fantastic again within one week.

She said three days later she was wearing the iconic ensemble (i.e. the Daisy Duke short shorts) that Catherine Bach first popularized back in the early 80's.

When asked how she felt about the media's feeding frenzy obsession with her weight gain she replied, "I was of course hurt, but I was probably upset more.

I mean they were calling me names likes 'fatty,' 'chubby,' and 'Mrs. Butterworth hips.' But I have to say that those names really did not bother me. They really didn't.

The names that really and truly pissed me off was when they would call me, 'The White Oprah,' 'The younger Wynonna Judd', and 'The singing version of Kirstie Alley.'

I mean how can people be so friggin' mean...I was probably three or four pounds overweight at the most. And to be honest it was really an illusion because I was wearing mature woman pants, which were high-waisted.

And I was also wearing that stupid weird colored double-wide belt that would even make that ridiculously skinny bitch Ann Colder (Coulter) look fat."

Simpson was asked what her boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo had to say about all of the weight hoopla.

She chuckled and said that Tony just laughed at how the media would focus on sweet little Jessica's weight and ignore Rush Limbaugh's tonnage which is probably close to 500 pounds by now, or Wyonna Juggs (Judd) who hasn't seen her feet in years.

She added that Tony laughed at the media's fixation mania and their preoccupation with the delicious, smooth, flawless thighs that he says belong to him.

When Tony was asked what he thought about all of the infatuation craze with his girlfriend's weight, he put the football down, grinned, and said, "I think it's funny."

He then added, "Hey, me and Nick (Lachey) and Dane (Cook), and John (Mayer) are the only four guys on the planet who know exactly how Jess looks completely naked.

And all I can say is that I have tons of fun kissing away the calories out of every single scrumptious square inch of her delicious and nutritious body."

When Tony was asked if things between Jessica and him were okay then he raised his eyebrows and replied, "Okay??? Dude, she's got number '9' (his jersey number) tattooed on her cleft of Venus...what do you think?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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