Written by Bureau
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Topics: Death, Murder, Killing

Monday, 9 March 2009

image for Nobody Killed In Boogertown Over The Last Week
"Only One Person Died In The Past Month

It was another good day in Boogertown this morning because all 2362 residents made it through the night unkilled.

"It's always good when the people of Boogertown aren't killed," stated Boogertown mayor Ava Hills.

"One day just last year someone died and it was very sad."

Common killers of most residents include rickets, scurvy, elephantitis balls and O.J. Simpson, but none of these struck yesterday nor last night.

"I'm alive and I feel great," said twenty-two year old Bridget Helen Baker. "I figured I would still be alive when I woke up this morning with the cat on my face and I was," she added while spitting out a piece of cat litter.

"I'm old and will be dead sooner rather than later," said seventy-nine year old Grandpa "Gramps" "Pappy" "Old Fart" "Gobeebooo" (according to which grandchild you ask) Nicholson sitting in the rocking chair on his porch, rocking furiously and keeping an eye out for O.J. whom they had heard was out on bail.

"But I'm not dead today."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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