Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Dr Phil, octuplets

Monday, 9 March 2009

image for Dr. Phil comes to the Mother of Octuplets Rescue?
Dr. Phil may have a split personality disorder when it comes to which side he's on in the case of the Octuplets

Whittier, California - "I'll be honest with you," said Dr. Phil to Octu-Mom in his sit down interview with at her residence, her mother's house in Whittier, California. "The real reason why America is so up set with you is because you're acting like a third world country. For God sakes, you're a white woman. Act like one. What's wrong with you, having so many babies."

During a break, off the record, Dr. Phil leans over to Octu-mom and her mother explaining to them that he had to play the role of "Bad Cop, Good Cop" for the sake of ratings. Then he whispered to them, "Now y-all still don't have any legal representation is that right?" Octu-mom and her mother shook their heads no.

Back from the commercial break and back on the record, Dr. Phil continued with his on camera interview.

"Now you know you're free to exercise your right to have all the children you want," said Dr. Phil. "It's a free country and its your right to purse happiness. That's what Pro-Choice is all about."

Taking another commercial break, Dr. Phil again leaned over to Octu-mom and her mother saying, "Only your decision in having them was obviously the wrong choice. You agree with me, right?" Octu-mom and her mother looked at each other and shook their heads no.

Back on camera, "During the commercial break I made a break though with Octu-mom," said Dr. Phil. "She just agreed that she regretted her decision to have so many children and that given the same choice today she would opted for selective reduction. Now for you back at home, selective reduction is a euphuistic term for abortion that we educated people use to prevent survival guilt in the children of other multiple births where termination of their siblings in the womb was necessary to ensure their survival, the health of the mother or because the parents acted humanely in protecting a child inflected with a physical or mental disability from a life long sentence of suffering and ridicule. Or they wanted their babies to have blue eyes and blonde hair or to be a boy or girl, who knows. That's beside the point. The point here today is that Octu-mom has agreed to give up her children for adoption or possibly sell them off overseas as living organ donors. We'll be right back."

Leaning over to Octu-mom and her mother both now in tears and looking like they were taken totally off guard by Dr. Phil's statements, Dr. Phil nevertheless attempted to consult them. "Why are y-all crying? Asked Dr. Phil pulling out a handkerchief and handing over to Octu-mom. "I told you this all for the show. I'm on your side. Now sit back in your seats and enjoy the ride. Dr. Phil's in the drivers seat and he'll take good care of you. I promise." Octu-mom and her mother dried up their tears and regained their composure.

As Dr. Phil was being counted down back onto the air, an assistant producer whispered into his ear. Dr. Phil nodded his head in affirmation, as Octu-mom and her mother looked around them, uncertain as to what was about to happen next.

"Octu-mom," said Dr. Phil, pausing for emotional effect. "I want you to meet the father of your children."

Suddenly Octu-mom stood up and stormed off out of the room.

"Now you've done it," said Octu-mom's mother as she slapped Dr. Phil in the face before chasing after her daughter. "What did we ever do to you? You call yourself a doctor? You're a bastard! A bastard!"

"Okay, I should have seen that one coming," said Dr. Phil. "Tune in next time when I have another serious sit down talk with the world's first pregnant man as he regrets his decision of having just the one kid."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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