Written by A. Pat Riot
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Topics: Washington, torture

Tuesday, 22 June 2004

WASHINGTON- Shortly after disavowing its controversial memo on the use of torture, the Justice Department conceded that it had "no freaking clue" what actions might constitute a breach of international law concerning the detention or interrogation of anyone, let alone suspected terrorists.

"Really, we have no idea what we're going to say on this subject from one day to the next," an unnamed Justice Department source admitted. "I think we got this stuff from a comic book someone had in the office, or maybe from one of those sites on the Interweb."

The official added that there would probably be more revelations of total ignorance in the days to come. "Hey, we were just following orders--or has that excuse been tried before?"

The White House immediately announced that it would have no comment on the latest revelations until it could find someone to explain "all the big words" in the original memo.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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