Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Sex, Texting

Saturday, 7 March 2009

image for "Sexting" scandal breaks out on home schooling polygamist compound campus
"O.K. here they are but remember u promised not to share them, right?"

Brimstone, Texas - It seems not even the most self secluded among us are capable of escaping our modern technical age, as it has been confirmed that several members of the home schooled student body of the House of Bethel Polygamist Compound in Brimstone, Texas became physically ill when they learned that many of the racy photos that they had been texting ("Sexting") to each other turned out to be that of their biological bothers and sisters -- Not just their spiritual ones.

Church Elders have been tight lipped about the incident. Wary of outsider intervention, they have nevertheless all but confirmed the incident by stating that they have taken the disciplinary action necessary to correct the problem.

"The situation is under control," read the cryptic statement released by the polygamist compound Elders. "And 'The Way' has been cleansed once more with fire."

"I was sexting this really cute guy I like over at H.S. Genesis 19:32," openly confesses Becky-Jane Monroe, a 13-year-old polygamist home-schooled student on her FACEBOOK account. "Mild stuff, you know. Nothing wild like Virginia my half sister who lives over at the Bethel compound. She goes all out and exposes her ankles to the boys she doesn't even like using a JPEG format. A JPEG format, can you believe that? Her ankles are so bony and ash gray they look like they were sketched on to her body. She should be using a BITMAP format instead.

"Anyways, that girl leaves nothing to the imagination. I mean after a boy sees a girls ankles, he just doesn't have any reason to respect her anymore. Not after he has forwarded it to all his friends. But try telling that to Virginia. She'll learn though. And real soon too, because I overheard the Elders saying they're going on a witch-hunt tonight - FYI: they must have heard me calling her a bitch and thought I said witch.

"Anyways, they said something about 'purging the House of Bethel Compound from the thoughts of impurity' before they try down loading an update to our LAN firewall or something like that. OMG, the Elders just walked passed my stained glass window of the Last Supper headed straight for Virginia's compound. And they were carrying torches, pitchforks and by the smell of it, a pole soaked in kerosene. They're going to try to purify her soul with fire! That's so cool. Who says home schooling isn't fun. I mean where else do you get to see your former BFF burned at the stake. Not at some old secular public school. That's for sure.

"I'll try to get some pictures on my phone and upload them to my FACEBOOK account for y-all to see later. Better buy some marshmallows. I got to go now. I have to testify in tongues at Virginia's trial, and I still don't know what I'm going to say. Later!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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