WASHINGTON. Rumors are circulating that President George W. Bush is dangerously confused about what he sees on TV. The Bush administration announced that it has not come up with a way to counter the latest move by the terrorists: giving head to all kidnapped hostages. President Bush is particularly upset with the daily-televised film clips showing American workers getting head from their Al Qaeda captors. "I asked Laura to do that for me last week and she told me that she thought I was disgusting and that I should just go to Iraq and let that Osama fellow give me some of that."
Unnamed sources at the White House say that both Vice President Cheney and Secretary of State Powell have tried to explain to the President that Al Qaeda has been beheading captives---not giving them head. It seems that President Bush became confused when Attorney General Ashcroft told him about what some prostitute had been doing for him every afternoon at the Justice Department. The President just cannot seem to tell the difference between getting head... and losing one's head. Several interns have been assigned to the Oval Office to help with the problem.