"The pavements are full of dog poop and toddling old farts", a spokesperson for the criminal classes of Mudslide Manor complained to the County Sheriff at an open meeting at the courthouse, Wednesday night.
"Only last week, one of our muggers had his career shortened when he slipped on a pile of dog crap big as a fist. He had just robbed this old bag but was prevented from making his escape by the load of dropped crap. It's criminal."
"He was lucky that he only suffered a broken ankle and nose smashed by the old lady's bottle of prune juice from Save A Bunch Grocery."
"We, Davey Bob Akins and me, want to make it quite clear to the local law enforcement that we will not tolerate the situation much longer", by cracky."
"SEE! They even got us talkin' like em"!
Davey Bob then told Sheriff Giddy, "And it's the same with them bleeding old farts in their battery powered wheelchairs."
"I come into a heck of a mess when I tried to rob this old geezer in his motorized Rascal. I did everything by the book and yet, just before I was about to push him outa that chair and down into the highway, the old farter saw me creepin up in his rear view mirror and shot off like a turpentined poodle dog."
"They let us out early down in Mule-in-Bird County Pen because we were pretty well wall to wall in arrested dopers and we come here and all this crap happens. Don't the sheriff even come down to Mudslide when one of us calls? NAW!! I tell you, the fear of steppin old dog mounds and old geezers running them Rascals through there is a public menace!"
Sheriff Giddy told the court that he promised to put up warning signs on every lamppost and to build a new prison here near Mulligan City to protect it's own county-restored population.
"I know how they feel",explained Robert "Dogg" Henderson.
"When my son passed out in the street down there after a harmless Meth party, his clothes were in a herrible state. Covered in dog poo they were, and so was his hair, mustache and beard. Sally Jane spent bout all night and the next day trying to pick out the hardened bits.