CHICAGO - Rihanna fresh from taking Chris (Brown) back after her horrendous fall in which she received facial bruises, a swollen lip, a bloody nose, as well as various other scrapes, abrasions, and cuts says she has never been happier.
She told Katie Couric that she has throw away the 6-inch stiletto heels that she was wearing the night she fell so that she doesn't accidentally fall down again.
Chris Brown told Wolf Blitzer that he is really hurt that people would actually think that he would even remotely think about hurting the woman of his dreams, the love of his live, the future mama of his future young'uns.
Brown said that he hates the way that the media distorts things. He punched his fist and said, and especially Fox News, an organization that puts a lot of stock in people like Sean "Fred Flintstone" Hannity, Bill "Palomino Face" O'Reilly, and Ann "The Human Q-Tip" Coulter.
Couric asked Rihanna if she still loved Chris after everything that she had been through. She smiled and said, that she had nothing but the utmost respect, admiration, and love for Chrissy.
When Couric seemed surprised, Rihanna got a look of seriousness on her face and said, "Hey Katie girl, now don't ya be disrespecting my man 'cause I knows how you prim and proper media types especially you blonde ones, are, ya hear me?"
Couric's eyes got the size of ping pong balls and the highly respected newswoman replied, "First of all, don't you ever talk to me using that kind of tone...I don't even put up with that shit from that no-talent skinny blonde bitch Paris (Hilton).
So I'll be damned if I gonna put up with that shit from a skinny Barbados Island trollop like you...do I make my self clear bitch eyes?"
Rihanna turned red, or more accurately reddish, and said that she wanted to apologize for acting like a prima donna/diva like Madonna, Ann Coulter, and Paris Hilton.
Couric accepted her apology and asked her about her brand new tattoo that she had gotten from Marimba LaFitte, who is known as "The Tattoo Artist To The Stars."
Rihanna blushed and asked, "My goodness Miss Couric, I just got that tattoo two days ago...how in the world did you know about it.
"I've got great sources." Couric answered.
"Well since you know about it. Yes I do have a new tattoo. It's located on a very intimate and private place on my body."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's on your bikini line," Couric volunteered.
"Damnit! Yes, it is on my bikini line. And it is a tattoo of a big blue arrow with the words 'DIS 4 CHRIS' tattooed above it."
"What's so darn funny? Rihanna asked.
Couric replied, that she was amazed at how some women allow men to walk all over them and then turn around and give them credibility by having their name tattooed about as close as one can get to her hoo-ha without actually touching her biscuit.
Rihanna asked Couric if she had any tattoos?
"Hell no!" Katie yelled out. "I'm an old fashioned gal. Tattoos are for sailors, NBA players, and tramps."
Rihanna's cell phone rang..."Ah, Katie I have to go now, that's my sweet Browny calling me."
In related news. Cher says that due to a little bit of weight gain, the tattoo of a rose that she had tattooed on her ass ten years ago now looks like Greenland (actual size).