Radio Talk-Show Master Rush Limbaugh says that the asteroid that nearly hit the Earth Monday was caused by the liberal policies of President Barack Obama.
"My friends, if it hadn't been for all the hot air coming from this daily broadcasting, that asteroid would have wiped out millions on Earth yesterday."
"Obama has a lot of personal magnetism, everyone knows that, so why did this asteroid come out of nowhere? I'll leave you to think that one over. You should be able to put two and two together."
"This man and his plans are out to destroy not only the United States but may very well cause the end of all nations."
"He's been promised 10,000 virgins by his Kenyan Muslim friends and every time he goes out there and swoons the crowd, he further magnetizes the earth, drawing in another asteroid or maybe the same one will turn and take another shot."
"Be sure to tune in to our show, three hours a day, where I outsmart these people with half my brain behind my big fat ass. Keep the hot air going to steer away that next one."
Finally, congratulate me, I'm finally off legalized drugs and on refried beans with beer. So for your safety and all of your families, tune in here, Dittoheads" three hours a day."