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Wednesday, 4 March 2009

image for Vermont Becomes the USA's First Stimulus Casualty
"Where are Ben and Jerry?"

Montpelier VT: The Vermont State Legislature has overwhelmingly passed a law petitioning the Federal Government for a second US House of Representatives seat. The legislators felt that the State of Utah doesn't need another US House Representative, as they already have three seats while Vermont has only one seat.

A chain of events was set in motion when Senator Bernie Sanders, the only overt US Socialist legislator, recently announced Vermont's part of President Obama's Stimulus Package. Vermont's Maple Syrup Industry would be nationalized and all dairy cows would be banned to eliminate Methane gas production.

This sticky situation was a consequence of the $1.2 billion Moola Mandate allocated to the state to fight climate change. The sitting governor and lieutenant governor, both Republicans, resigned immediately in protest to this Federal action. The Senior US Senator and US House Representative At-Large, both Democrats, followed suit in solidarity.

A special election was held to fill the vacated state offices, whereby Rod Blagojevich (former governor of Illinois) and Jessie Ventura (former governor of Minnesota) were elected Governor and Lieutenant Governor of Vermont, respectively. Governor Blagojevich immediately appointed Howard Dean (former governor of Vermont) as the new US House Representative At-Large.

The new governor also immediately appointed Roland Burris and Al Franken as the new Vermont Junior US Senator. In response to reporter's questions the governor said "yes I have appointed two men to fill the same senate seat, pending the outcome of their current senatorial dilemmas and whether Congress grants Vermont's request for a second US House seat. I'm just covering all the bases, besides they are both Democrats!"

The Federal appointments are good until the next general election, political scandal or Constitutional crisis, whichever comes first.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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