Written by For'Nique
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Tuesday, 22 June 2004

image for President George Bush: Republican Jedi?
George Bush or Darth Vadar?

After taking a beating in recent opinion polls following the 9-11 Commissions disclosures regarding the absence of evidence relating to links between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein's Iraqi regime, President George W. Bush attempted to perform a "Jedi Mind Trick" at a recent press conference.

President Bush ordered, "You DO believe I was going after the evil doers in Saudi…you WILL write that I look hot in my flight gear…you WILL NOT eat any more of those crispy crab cakes, that way I can make a great, big ole to-go plate of ‘em…man, those things sure are tasty!"

President Bush, clearly convinced that the stunned silence of the press meant his Jedi Mind Trick was working, continued to charge listeners with random orders, "You WILL put me on People Magazine's 50 Sexiest Men Alive List…you WILL bring your own beer to the next White House shindig…you WILL pressure the networks to bring back Good Times--that was a great show…made the projects look so daggone fun…"

Joshua Ingram, reporter for the Washington Post had this to say following President Bush's recent conference, "We were all shocked initially. Then, it became surreal. A few of us began laughing outwardly and that's when things became REALLY interesting."

President Bush misinterpreted laughter at the press conference as indicating his Jedi Mindtrick was no longer working, after which he proceeded to step things up a notch -- addressing the press in Yoda'esque speech, saying, "Laugh you should not…President because I am...Cloudy Iraq's future is…eat not crab cakes my…"

An unnamed source close to the White House said, "Monday night was movie night in the White House theater and somebody brought the Star Wars Trilogy, and well…there you have it."

Tragically, the press conference ended on a sombre note as the eldest member of the press corp., Ruth Marsh, reporter for the Chicago Sun-Times, passed away at the close of the event. Physicians confirmed she died laughing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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