Sources within the White House have revealed that Barack Obama has assigned twelve billion dollars or the Bailout funds to friend Oprah Winfrey. The actress/talk show host will receive one of the first stimulus checks that is being used to bolster the economy.
When asked why he was giving the woman some call "the new puppet master" (see related story here) Obama said that "you really need to check this woman out. She's getting older and some parts of her body are starting to sag. Something really needs to lift that ass, and I know it will take a lot of money to do it. At this point, a facelift would also be nice."
The few remaining Republicans in the media (who all work for Fox News or Rush Limbaugh) speculated that this was due to Oprah's funding of the Obama election and as payback for her endoresements and campaign help.
Members of the media still lip-locked to Obama's ass, however, hailed the move as "The greatest political decision of the past 300 years."