Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: American Idol

Friday, 27 February 2009

image for American Idol's Male Version of Tatiana Del Toro Eliminated
Nick Mitchell on his way to his new job at Wal-Mart

LOS ANGELES - Nick Mitchell and his alter ego Norman Gentle were both eliminated from "American Idol."

The 27-year-old Mitchell sang "And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going" after which judge Simon Cowell said, "Oh you're going. Bet me Buckwheat. You're gonna be out of here damn fast!"

Mitchell whom Cowell nicknamed, "Mitch the Bitch" did get into several name-calling matches with Simon "The British Bulldog" Cowell.

In one exchange, Mitchell called Cowell a male version of Amy Winehouse. Cowell responded by calling Mitchell a female version of Courtney Love.

Meanwhile Paula "The Solar System Siren" Abdul kept yelling touchdown!

And Randy "The Gang Sign-Throwing Down Dawg" Jackson kept saying, "I don't know dawg, it's kinda pitchy to me. I worked with Whitney (Houston) and Mariah (Carey) and I don't know dawg, you were just alright."

Randy then made a gang sign and remarked, "And dawg it was just a little too pitchy in the beginning, the ending, and most of the middle. Nothing really good. It really didn't do it for me. It was just alright dawg...oh I also played bass guitar with Journey."

Meanwhile the new kid on the block judge, Kara DiGuardi just kept shaking her head and pounding her fist on the table and finally exclaimed, "Damnit! Shit! I wonder if it's too late for me to be let out of my judging contract."

Nick Mitchell did achieve an "American Idol" first. In the eight seasons of American Idol he is the first contestant during a performance to ever make out with the "American Idol" sign in front of the judge's table.

"Nicko the Sicko" can best probably be described as what a baby would grow up to look like if it's parents were Richard Simmons and Andy Dick.

Towards the end of the show, Nick revealed through show host Ryan Seacrest that he would probably end up needing employment after the results of the show were revealed.

The daffy dude called it perfectly.

On a good note...which clearly alluded Mr. Mitchell, he has been offered a job working as a Wal-Mart greeter in Tarzana.

Mitchell did say that the store manager told him that the only stipulation is that he not even THINK about singing while on duty.

In a related story. Brooke White, 25, who was eliminated on last year's "American Idol" (season seven) was asked to perform her new song "Life Is Okay" live before the show's national audience.

Afterwards Randy said it was pitchy. Paula yelled, fumble. Simon told her she had picked the wrong song. And Kara said she was tired from all the backstabbing and frontstabbing and she just wanted to go home, take off her shoes and clothes, get naked, and have a six pack of Bud Light Lime.

So poor little Brooke White has the dubious distinction of being the very first American Idol contestant to ever be eliminated TWO YEARS IN A ROW!

(EDITOR'S NOTE: On next week's "American Idol" alumni William Hung and Sanjaya Malakar are scheduled to sing a duet on the Kenny Rogers-Dolly Parton song, "Islands In The Stream.")

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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