Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 27 February 2009

image for Jessica Simpson Loses Three Pounds
Tony Romo's girlfriend (aka Jessica Simpson)

LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and cheerfully announced to Ellen that she had lost three pounds.

Ellen told her that she was proud of her and she added that she could not believe the shit storm hoopla that the media had stirred up regarding her weight.

Jessica said that she was equally as surprised. Then Ellen said that it just shows you that we are still living in a time of the double standard.

DeGeneres said that no one ever says anything about Rush Limbaugh being overweight, and he probably weighs over 400 pounds...and I'll betcha his mouth alone probably weighs at least 80 pounds!

Jessica laughed and said that she totally agreed. She then remarked that she could not understand how one man could be so critical, so arrogant, so bitter, and so downright mean.

Ellen said that it was because of his weight problem. And he also has an inferiority complex about the fact that he is so platypus ugly he can't even get a girl.

Simpson then said that she had read somewhere that he actually owned several inflatible dolls.

And supposedly one looks very much like that other GOP mouthpiece Ann Coulter. Ellen grinned and said that she heard that he was kind of sweet on Coulter.

Simpson said that she could not believe how skinny Coulter has gotten, "My goodness Ellen," she remarked, "She is 6 foot 3, and weighs 81 pounds."

Then Ellen said, "I know her hair stylist Mr. Qui Qui and he told me that she actually still wears a training bra."

Jessica started laughing and asked, "What in the world is she trying to train her little bitty titties to do?...fetch?...Oh I know...sit."

In world scientific news. A sheepherder in Scotland has said that he swears he spotted the Abominable Snowman and that the bastard was riding the Loch Ness Monster. The sheepherder was asked if he drinks much, and he replied only after 1 p.m.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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