Detroit, MI (AP) - In breaking news today, the Tooth Fairy was arrested in the early morning hours for home invasion and larceny by conversion by the Harper Woods Police Department in Harper Woods, MI, a suburb of Detroit.
Harper Woods police spokesperson Sgt. Dingle My Berry told AP reporter Bertha Splivengates that the Tooth Fairy is not who you think she is. Apparently, when a routine search was done, incident to arrest, the female officer discovered a lump in the Tooth Fairy's crotch area. When taken to police headquarters, officers discovered that the Tooth Fairy was packing more than a wand to wave over sleeping children's heads. "Much to our suprise, she was a he," reported Officer Harold Mockbottom.
Asked why the Tooth Fairy was arrested for home invasion and larceny where it has been established that millions of children all over America expect money in exchange for teeth that had fallen out of their heads, Mockbottom stated: "The Tooth Fairy had apparently started to steal piggy banks and other valuables around the houses and leaving teeth he had collected over the years in place of the valuables stolen."
After interviewing the Tooth Fairy and obtaining a confession, Officer Mockbottom told us that the Fairy just couldn't make a living any longer on the tooth exchange program. All those nickles, dimes and quarters started adding up and put him so far in the hole that he had to reverse the process. When asked about his transvestite status, the Tooth Fairy stated that he took over for his mother after she fell ill from handling all those nasty teeth she collected. "Killed her right dead, it did," he told us.
Since the Tooth Fairy's arrest, it was not immediately clear who would take his place. The Fairy's demise can be chalked up to the take-no-names grueling economy. And whoever picks up the reigns of the Tooth Fairy, will undoubtedly need subsidizing. We will update you as information comes in.