Washington, D.C. (Rueters) - In one of the worst check writing scandals in American history, stimulus package checks mailed by the White House to U.S. citizens, and cities across the nation, began bouncing today. By mid-afternoon, the checks were bouncing so high, and so hard, that the banks' infrastructures were cracking and crumbling.
"It's a frickin' "checkquake" remarked Jethro Splivengates, a long time resident of Washington, D.C. whose house was crumbling because of its close proximity to one of the crumbling banks. When we contacted the White House about the bouncing checks, spokesman Rahm Emanuel told us that he couldn't comment on the allegations until they had a chance to "review one of the bouncing checks, if we can catch one that is."
"I first saw one of the checks attempting to exit the Federal Reserve Bank. When it made its way outside, the damn thing was bouncing so high it was clearing the height of the Capitol Building," remarked Jason Cheatum, an attorney for Hurry, Cheatum & Quick, P.C., a New York law firm with offices in Washington, D.C. Witnesses disclosed that the checks had formed gangs, and were making their way to Detroit. Some believed the angry checks were on their way to meet up with the auto industry, and its unions. Still others believed the checks were hunting down its authors nationwide.
After all is said and done, however, paying for this national disaster will be a mind numbing affair, especially after tallying up all the overdraft fees related to the bounced checks. If we're lucky, the payment plan worked out to pay off this debt will not extend further than the 23rd century.