Written by Linguini
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Monday, 21 June 2004

image for Bush Receives Bookmark, But Doesn't Know What to Do with It
With your remaining tax dollars I will destroy Evil wherever I see it. Vote for me in 2004!

Dateline . . . June 2004 . . .

Yesterday G.W. Bush, President of the United States of America, received an honorary bookmark from the 23-member Dallas-based group of "Born Again and Again, and Even One More Time for Emphasis, Anti-secular Crusading Zealots of America," praising him for opposing the development of stem-cell research in America.

In accepting the award, Bush proclaimed, "I know Evil when I see it, and my administration will continue to vigorously destroy Evil wherever it may be in this World, even in behind, . . . wait a minute, . . . what's that word again, . . . oh yes, . . . **benign** . . . that's it, . . . test tubes!" (Applause.)

"Yeh, I was for Ronny, but I was never committed to Nancy. I know that the Gipper would have rather calmly gone into the night than let some doctor try to prolong his life with unordained cells from a test tube! Sorry, Nance. This is a religious thing. Don't argue. Church and the State Department ought to be working together." (More applause.)

Opening his gift, G.W. asked, "What is it???" Zealot Advocate Knowlittle answered, "It's a bookmark, Mr. President." "Thanks, but what do you do with it?" inquired G.W. "It's to help you read, Mr. President, you know, words and phrases?" "Oh," said the President, "Me and Rummy don't do that anymore. What with the bad press and all. Better not to know something and not deal with it than to know something and be unable to deal with it."

Advocate Knowlittle continued, "Shall I take back the gift, Mr. President?" "Oh no," replied G.W. I'll give it to my dad. He still reads. But I never consult with him on anything other than how to carve up a turkey on Thanksgiving."

"I see, Mr. President," lamented Knowlittle, "May I ask, 'How can you lead our country without reading anything?"

"Easy," replied G.W. "I've been doing it since the U.S. Supreme Court said I was the President. I tried figuring out what they were saying in the court opinion, but like most Americans, couldn't begin to understand it. That's when I said to myself, 'Stop this reading crap. Just keep smiling and amusing the public with zingers.' That's what governing is all about, son! Hey, wanna join the National Guard to see the World, - I mean just Iraq this summer?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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