NEW YORK CITY - Financial Service Investment Manager Bernard Madoff has just announced that his company, Ponzi Amalgamated Investment Trust has just purchased The New York Yankees, The Boston Celtics, and The Dallas Cowboys.
The combined purchase price was not released, but an inside source says that it is in the neighborhood of $3.5 billion.
An assistant to Mr. Madoff said that he met with Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, and Celtics owner Wycliffe Grousbeck in room 17, at a Motel 6 in Tuckahoe, New York.
Madoff invited Donald Trump to sit in on the meeting. At about noon, Trump left and returned shortly with five Little Caesar's Pepperoni Pizzas and five stunningly beautiful pole dancers from The Cookie Cutter Pole Dancing Lounge who Trump brought along to help serve the pizza.
The five men and five women had a great time eating, drinking, and dancing to the sounds of Bob Dylan. It wasn't a Dylan CD or a Dylan album, it was the actual Bob Dylan in person.
Dylan has been a friend of Donald Trumps since his "Like A Rolling Stone," days back in the mid 60's. In fact in the liner notes of Dylan's album Psychedelic Strapless Bra, Dylan actually credits Trump with teaching him how to play the tambourine.
After the team sales were finalized Madoff, the three team owners, Trump, and the five pole dancers all got into Trump's Limousine and were driven to Larchmont Harbor where they all boarded Trump's $18.7 million dollar luxury yacht, "The Atlantic Hairdo Ho Queen."
A spokesman for Trump said that the party would set sail for Nova Scotia where they would spend the weekend at Trump's Canadian mansion, Archipelago De La Playa Marimba Maracas Sis Boom Bah Rah Rah Rah Hoo Ha Ooh La La Estates.
The sprawling $14.3 million mansion which sits on 26 acres overlooking the beautiful Atlantic Ocean was once owned by Hershey Chocolate magnate Rufus K. Hershey and his seventh wife Joy who Rufus nicknamed, "Almond Joy."
Donald Trump's hairstyling team, the Gabanetti Triplets, Hanna, Anna, and Banana spoke on condition of total and complete anonymity.
They said that they had overheard Mr. Trump talking to his daughter and he told her that the three owners had talked about moving the Yankees to Dallas, the Celtics to New York, and the Cowboys to Boston.
In a related story. Bob Dylan's new book should be hitting the bookstores, Wal-Marts, Targets, Krispie Kremes, and Day Care Centers in late April.
The 297-page book is filled with 219 pages of photos, sketches, stick drawings, and doddlings. The book is simply entitled, Dylan - The Man, His Slurred Lyrics, His Jingle Jangle Music, His Harmonica, His Tambourine, and Hysterectomy.