Written by Bureau
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Topics: Death, happiness

Monday, 23 February 2009

image for The Killer Smile
"You're dead meat, Mister!"

Western State Mental Hospital in Kentucky and Bellevue Hospital in New York City agree, the human smile, a facial expression traditionally used to convey joy, pleasure, or amusement in the past, is now mainly used to suppress rage, according to a ten-year study released Tuesday by the Western State Mental-State Countenance Institute.

"More than 80 percent of smiles are involuntary responses to mounting hot anger," the study read in part.

"In addition, the length and intensity of these smiles directly correspond to the amount of anger the smile is concealing. A smile that lasts less than two seconds represents just a passing annoyance although the person is thoroughly pissed, while a smile of five to ten seconds indicates a genuine downright hatred for its target."

The study noted that individuals smiling for more than one minute while nodding and baring their teeth are most likely preparing to kill the person they are smiling at at their first opportunity.

In fact, the study concluded, "Every mass murderer here and at Belelvue goes around with a big shit-eating grin on his/her face all day long.

This would explain how New York City won the friendliest city award a few years back. There, people hardly look at each other, therefore, there is less hatred.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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