Written by Frank Cotolo
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Sunday, 20 June 2004

image for Bush says win or not, he's staying President
Bush waves to reporters.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an ultra-positive statement today before leaving the White House for a dinner at a local Denny's with wife Laura, President Bush said he was not concerned about the upcoming election because he won't leave the Presidency if he is not elected.

"I been thinking," Mr. Bush said to reporters. "If I just keep all my stuff where it is, then if I lose my opponent can't move his stuff in."

Mr. Bush laughed and waved to reporters, who hounded him with questions before he could get into the Presidential limo.

Reporters asked if he would fight Mr. Kerry, if Kerry won and tried to move into the White House.

"I don't expect to lose, mind you," Bush said, "but you bet I will start swinging if Mr. Kerry forces himself into, say, the Oval Office."

What about the Vice President?

Mr. Bush said, "He has a bad heart, so I won't expect him to fight. He could throw some things from across the room, maybe stop Kerry that way.

"But it won't come to that, because we are gonna win this election."

Much of Mr. Bush's confidence is based on the fact that he won the 2000 election without the popular vote.

"Who needs popularity anyway?" Mr. Bush said before getting into the limo. "See ya all at Denny's," he said as the limo drove away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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