JOPLIN, Missouri - A 70-year-old man has been arrested and charged with unlawful discharge of a firearm after he shot his television.
His wife, who was shaking like a leaf in the wind, said that her husband became upset because he could not get his new converter box to work.
She pleaded with him to please read the instructions. But Mr. Potato Head said that he did not need to read no damn sissy-ass instructions.
So he took out a gun and fired point blank at the TV. His wife said that tubes, wires, and knobs went everywhere. She said that part of the volume control knob ended up embedded in her beehive hairdo.
She told police that Jesse James was heading towards the kitchen to shoot the refrigerator, but he stopped when she reminded him that he had two six-packs of beer inside.
The man who was identified only as "Grumpy" then threatened to shoot the washing machine, but his wife stood in front of it and yelled out, "if you shoot the Kenmore, you'll have to shoot me first."
While the police were putting the stupid mofo in handcuffs, they called the local Appliance Protective Agency to come and take the microwave oven, the washer, and three small alarm clocks away.
"Grumpy" will spend a few days in jail and then he will be forced to attend television and appliance anger management classes at Show Me State University.