Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Saturday, 21 February 2009

image for Chimp attack spurred by outrage over cost of Obama's stimulus package to the taxpayers, now claims owner recanting her previous story
Did "Travis" see into the future and decide to do himself in a suicide by cop number?

Stamford, Connecticut - Backing off her previous claim she made in a live interview on national TV that she gave her 15-year old pet chimpanzee, Travis, Xanax (an anti-anxiety medication) known to cause emotional outbursts and acts of violence in humans, Sandra Herold, is now denying she did such a thing. Instead, she has recanted her original story and is now claiming that Travis merely had a bad reaction to the news of the cost of President Obama's stimulus package to the taxpayer on the morning of the attack.

Critics are saying, however, that Herold is merely trying to capitalize the current political controversy surrounding the cartoon parody of the police shooting of her chimp, and the Obama stimulus package in the New York Post, which many consider racists.

Herold gave an alternate version of the that ill-fated events of that morning's chimp attack on a popular conservative talk radio show, saying she did not give Travis Xanax but simply some Chamomile tea, and the morning newspaper with an article about the cost of the president's stimulus package to the taxpayer.

As Travis sat back in his chair, sipping on his morning cup of tea, according to Herold, his face hidden behind the newspaper, just like every morning because he liked to keep current with world events and politics, he suddenly stood up erect, like a human being.

Calmly he walked across the kitchen floor, dragging the newspaper behind him, over to Herold's friend, who had the misfortune of just happening to stop by that morning.

"Then he [Travis] dropped the newspaper with the headline of Obama's stimulus package on the floor right in front of her," said Herold in her radio interview.

As Travis started to gesture to it, even pointing out details of the plan in the article, before finally defecating on it, all Herold and her friend could was stand there looking on with their mouths open.

"What did we know about such complicated things," continued Herold. "Travis was the one with the brains in the family. My friend and me have a total of a sixth grade education, and that's combined. Well, like I said we just stood looking at each other with our mouths wide-open, never knowing what was ever upsetting Travis when he suddenly jumped on my friend and began biting her face right off. It was horrible, but thinking back on the whole thing now, I realize Travis was trying to warn us that there is something seriously wrong with Obama's plan. And I think my friend in the hospital would agree with me one-hundred percent, if she ever regains consciousness."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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