Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 21 February 2009

image for New Jersey Rattled By Third Earthquake!
The Jon Bon Jovi Building in downtown Secaucus received minor damage during the last earthquake

SECAUCUS, New Jersey - The Garden State has just been rattled by the third earthquake in as many weeks. People are starting to call New Jersey, 'California East.'

Dante Carmine Calabrese, owner of The Mr. and Mrs. Dante Carmine Calabrese Insurance Agency says that just in the past week alone he has written more insurance policies than he has in his entire 19 years in the insurance business.

Calabrese added that 95% of the new policies are for earthquake damage. He says that his is the only insurance agency in the entire state who will provide earthquake insurance that not only covers your home or business, but the indvidual family members, their automobiles, trucks, motorcycles, and even skateboards.

Cinderella Calabrese, a lovely, buxom woman who was Miss Secaucus in 1989, added that they have a special earthquake rider clause (EQ-170-457X) that also covers family pets ranging from goldfish and dogs all the way up to ostriches and hippos.

The Calabrese's have stated that from now through April 26, for each new earthquake policy they write they will donate $31 to the newly established Bruce Springsteen Earthquake Assistance Monetary Fund.

This fund has been set up to assist New Jersey residents who have been victims of earthquake damage no matter how minor.

In related New Jersey news. A spokesperson for The Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Hospital in Bayonne has reported that in the past three weeks, four of their newborn's have been named Earthquake.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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