US President Barack Obama today promised to end the superstition surrounding Fridays that fall on the thirteenth day in a month.
'People', he said, 'let us take it into our hearts, and let us move forward. Let us just say to one another, we can do this. We can take the thirteenth and turn it into something good, something positive, something new.'
'The way is forward, leaving triskaidekaphobia in the past, no longer will the United States of America have fear of Fridays that are, in essence, the thirteenth', and as he prepared to step down from the Presidential podium he was handed a piece of paper by an aide.
'But', he added, 'it may not be as easy as it might seem to end such a phobia. And it may take a while longer before such a change can be brought about, in fact I may have been talking a heap of baloney washed down with hogwash when I promised to end the superstition. But it sure sounded good!', at which journalists laughed and changed their headlines from 'Obama will end superstition' to 'Obama will not end superstition'.
Some have suggested that after over a month in office the President has done absolutely nothing yet except for going back on his election promise to abolish the Friday the thirteenth superstition, and others have already become impatient with him, and already see him as all talk and no action, but at that Mr Obama quickly pulled out a card for such emergencies.
'Yep', he said, as journalists and voters relaxed when they saw the card, 'this race card explains it all. It explains why I was elected and why I can go back on my promises, and takes people's attention away from the fact that I still haven't done a thing in office, and am unlikely to do anything in the future either.'
And using the card to hypnotise viewers, he continued: 'Keep your eyes on the card, ladies and gentlemen, and forget about recessions and banking crises, and funding Israel and Friday the thirteenths, the card is there for you all to see. When I snap my fingers you will forget everything except for my skin pigmentation', and so saying the President snapped his fingers, and 250 million Americans started thinking about Mr Obama's skin pigmentation.
Wall Street was slightly down after hearing the news, but only a fraction down compared to when New York financiers realised that the UK had pulled of a massive financial fraud recently, one that nearly destroyed their banks. Yet another thing President Obama will remain silent about, we expect.