Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: American Idol

Thursday, 19 February 2009

image for American Idol's Tatiana Del Toro Balls
Tatiana Del Toro putting on her lipstick before her last American Idol appearance

LOS ANGELES, California - Tatiana Del Toro, who many consider to be the most annoying contestant to ever appear in the eight-year history of American Idol has been eliminated.

The 23-year-old drama queen from Puerto Rico has fallen by the wayside. And towards the end of the show when she was eliminated the self-proclaimed diva balled and balled and then balled some more.

An unnamed source said that even judge Simon Cowell (aka 'The Sultan of Sarcasm') felt so bad for Tatiana that he offered to take her out. The source did not reveal if Cowell meant to take her out, like on a date, or to take her out, like in taking her out.

Tatiana is not really a bad-looking young lady. Some have described her as a loud, screeching, annoying, and nervous-beyond-belief younger version of Salma Hayek.

Many people believed that the Madonna-wannabe's shrieking laugh, a laugh that only an adult laughing hyena could appreciate was all staged. Others felt that the over-the-top senorita was merely putting on an act.

But those close to her (unlucky souls?) say that with Tatiana, what you see, or in the squealing subrette's case, what you hear is what you get.

The amazing thing is that Del Toro's voice, or rather singing voice, is really and truly not all that bad.

Granted the Puerto Rican firecracker, who makes Kathy Griffin seem shy-as-hell isn't no Katharine McPhee, but then again Katharine McPhee isn't no Katharine McPhee either.

So what's next for Tatiana the Tongue? What lurks beyond the Hollywood horizon for the whaling wonder of wannabe-dom?

Will she be asked to film a Jack-in-the-Box commericial and maybe play Jack's director of public relations?

Will she appear on Larry King Live and age the mouthmaster a couple of months?

Or will she be asked by Hugh Hefner to grace the pages of Playboy Magazine in a possible upcoming spread entitled, 'The Goshdarn Gratingly Giddy Gals of American Idol?'

Well, no one can say for sure; not even Tatiana Del Toro herself. But Tatiana, whose last name is Spanish for 'of the bull' (Hmmmmm) can find some solace in the fact that she certainly made Simon Cowell finally earn the millions and millions of dollars that the black T-shirted 'captain of cutting remarks' is paid.

In other news. Paris Hilton reportedly said about Del Toro, "That Tater tot girl, or whatever her name is, thinks she's hot. She's not. I'm the only hot one, just ask me?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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