After three and a half years on the job, US President George W. Bush has finally decided to hang up his coat.
"It just wasn't fun anymore," says the now ex-President. "Sure, at first with my endless vacations and a slowly slumping economy, it was an ok job. I could sit back and take it easy. But now, with the war and the endless coverups and the backfire that I've received, it just isn't worth continuing on. Besides, Cheney doesn't have much time left on this planet, obviously, so I've decided to give him a shot."
When asked about Cheney's election chances, the President had this to say:
"It doesn't really matter. All I know is that I've done my job. I've half finished the rebuilding of Iraq, I've quarter fixed the sluggish economy, I've given tax cuts to half of the country, I've fixed up 1% of the schools in this country. With all of that out of the way, I'm not sure what else there is to do."
The former 43rd plans to take it easy in retirement. "I'll jumpstart my recording career, maybe star in a movie here or there. My twins haven't received a DUI like I did, so maybe I should teach them how to get really wasted. I plan to write a biography. I'm hoping it'll be 901 pages, so that would mean one more than Clinton.....because I'm 1 later, get it?"
Finally, Bush stated that he hopes to hang out with former president Reagan soon and attend a Ray Charles concert.