Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: John McCain

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

image for Senator McCain Is Bitter, Threatens To Hold His Breath
A photo taken of Senator John McCain on his 91st birthday

PHOENIX, Arizona - Senator John McCain has grown extremely bitter at the fact that he lost the presidential election to Barack Obama.

McCain told reporters from one of his wife's seven homes that he has not been able to get over his loss in the presidential race.

He said that he is only 72, but that he feels like he's 92. A reporter for ABC said that he looks like he's 102.

The senator from Arizona has become increasingly brash in his attacks on President Obama. And McCain's attacks are beginning to irritate both Democrats and Republicans as well.

Senator Mitch McConnell, republican from Kentucky said that last week, while he was having lunch at Long John Silver's with McCain that McCain suddenly said that Barack thinks he's a good basketball player. McConnell replied that he is.

McCain put down his hushpuppy and angrily remarked, "Well he isn't as good as Tim Duncan, or Kobe Bryant, or even Rasho Nesterovic!"

Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele has already gone on record as saying that if 'Big Mac' (McCain) makes one more racist remark about our president, he will personally see to it that John is black balled from the Republican party, removed from his seat in the Senate, and have all of his wrinkle removing cream confiscated.

Rumors floating around Washington are saying that ever since he prohibited his wife Cindy from participating in this year's 'Dancing With The Stars' that she has really given him the cold shoulder and she has been sleeping in the guest bedroom.

John is reportedly extremely upset. The guest, Jim, however, doesn't seem to mind it one bit.

One of the Cindy's maids, Panchita Chicharrones, 19, and a 'legal alien' from Ensenada, Mexico stated, "Poor Meester (Mr.) Juan (John), he is berry (very), berry (very) depressioned (depressed) and a lot humidifiered (humiliated), not to mention sad (sad)."

And McCain's barber, Titus said that last week as McCain sat in his barber chair that he remarked, that he is growing more and more bitter at his presidential loss.

Titus stated that he has never seen McCain more depressed and he said that McCain confided to him that when he gets back on the Senate floor that he is seriously thinking about holding his breath.

Lucky for John, Nancy Pelosi knows CPR.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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