Denver/Co Rocky Mountain High News - Seeming fresh from a 3 day self proclaimed "holiday", The President flew into Denver, Colorado today, his arrival heralded by millions of dollars jettisoned from Air Force 1 as it did a fly over prior to landing.
Thousands of secular progressive fans swarmed the area, school was discontinued for the day, as US currency of all denominations fluttered through the air to land in the snowy mush of residential neighborhoods already littered with foreclosure signs.
Some thought it was an early St. Patrick's day, as much of the snow where the currency landed began to turn green. A spokesman for Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner made a public service announcement on PBS saying that the President was in a rush to get the stimulus money out there, and the US mint didn't have time to let the new "funny money" dry properly.
The spokesman suggested that recipients of the funds just take them home and hang them over their shower rod, and they would be dry enough to use in about 48 hours, about the same time a speed reader would need to digest the entire 1100 page unread stimulus bill.
Geithner, in a paid political announcement said he had taken a few liberties with the new currency in keeping with the wishes of the President.
Barney Frank, House a Banking Chairman appears on the $3 dollar bill.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is on the $5 dollar bill along with holographic images of a pineapple, a can of tuna fish and a Harvest Mouse.
The ten dollar bill features Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid standing at a train station cutting the ribbon for an $8 Billion dollar bullet train from Las Vegas to LA.
The twenty dollar bill features a group picture of Abscams's John Murtha, former Illinois Pol Blagojevich, and Pinnochio.
The fifty, slightly larger by 3mm, extols the virtue of Dashle, Sharpton, Wrangle(sic), Keiffner, Richardson, former DC mayor Marion Berry, and Treasury Sec. Geithner his own self.
The term "In God We Trust" has been altered to read "TRUST NO ONE BUT THE ONE"
President O'Bama, of course is featured on the $100 bill, preferred by Narco Dictators, US drug dealers, and most politicians in Massachusetts, Illinois, Michigan and Washington, DC. The President is shown in full color parting the clouds with upraised arms, and surrounded by kneeling subjects with tears of joys running down their faces, as US currency drops from the heavens.
In a late earmark to the Stimulus Package California Congress Woman Maxine Waters proclaimed an end to Drug Testing in the Work Place, immediately allowing 3M of the unemployed to go back to work. According to Nancy Pelosi, this only left 497M still on the streets.
Rahm Emanuel, O'Bama Chief of Staff, said the president was "emotionally drained" after his visit, and was taking a "few more days off" while Air Force 1 was "reloaded" before flying off to Kenya and "dropping by" to see a few relatives.
In a minor note, The Secretary of Energy was pissed as no one had turned the lights off in the now empty White House when they left.