Born with a rare, debilitating glandular disorder plus a hypothyroid problem, 475-pound Stinking Creek resident, Paul Don Henderson helped himself to a fifth serving of fried catfish, mashed potatoes and popped his 21st hush puppy into his pie hole at the Catfish Palace Monday.
"Why, oh, why, was I chosen burp to suffer this horrible fate and mmmphhhh blogismmm beeelllcchh?" bemoaned the stricken Henderson, helplessly shoveling several more fistfuls of buttery mashed potatoes into his mouth.
"What have I done to deserve this awful glomphummm pooooot! scuse me?"
Henderson's condition, known within medical circles as "Lazyfatassitis," also prevents him from walking around inside his house as he uses a special-made electric wheer-chair.
"My daddy had buuuuurrrrpppp! this condition but I don't remember him as he died when I was two, at the age of 34."
"It's a family rrrrrmmmmpppp family curse. Like that there Werewolf thing."
"Whoa! Sounds like we need another huspuppy and some onion rings down there!"