Detroit claims it can't get a handle on the numerous potholes plaguing the City's streets due to "roaming potholes," city officials said today.
"The potholes have been moving around and are hard to keep track of", said DPW worker Tyrone Lowbrow. "When we locate and mark the potholes, and return the next day to repair them, the things have moved," cautioned Leroy Dumpster, a DPW official.
When we spoke with DPW director, Gen Etic Flaw, he told us that Detroit potholes have learned to adapt to their environment, just like bacteria adapts by developing an immunity to antibiotics. Asked if any other city in the country was having this "pothole roaming" scourge, Flaw replied, "Now, how would I know that?" Flaw told us that they are setting up real-time cameras to locate the moving potholes so they can repair them before they move.
It seems that Detroit has been plagued with many problems here recently, and just reported not long ago that they had discovered what they believed to be the "Pothole Triangle," Detroit's version of the Bermuda Triangle where ships and planes have disappeared with no trace. Detroit recently lost several vehicles, and it's occupants to one of these sucking potholes in the Triangle. "Sheeeeeite, it's Detroit's version of a cosmic black hole," remarked Boomquisha Latisha Washington.
Whether Detroit can get a handle on these roaming potholes remains to be seen. Residents are warned to carry some type of communications device before venturing out into the pothole wilderness. "Stay alert, and let us know if you catch one of these holes trying to migrate out of state. Maybe if we can catch the daddy or mama pothole, we can put an end to this madness," warned Flaw.