WALLA WALLA, WA - Wankers Trust, the nation's largest sperm bank, is looking to the Federal Government's Troubled Masturbation Relief Program (TMRP) to see it through an unprecedented crisis.
Chairman of the bank, Hans Job, said, "Due to the publicity given the California woman who recently gave birth to octuplets, there has been a run on our sperm reserves. We normally, have deposits of twenty one quarts for every eight quarts going out."
"With Saudi Arabia cutting back on production and China engaged in its own stimulate program our sperm reserves are at a dangerously low, one month of reserves."
"We urge all male members of Congress, the Treasury and the Federal Reserve in a bipartisan way, to give a hand so that we can replenish our dwindling reserves."
Wankers Trust, director Monica Lewinsky, added, "I will gladly lend a hand to any member of the board willing to stand up and be counted on to keep the bank liquid."