Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 12 February 2009

image for Kevin Costner & Stacy Keibler To Host TV's "Dancing With The Wolves"
Keira Knightley shown rehearsing for this year's "Dancing With The Wolves"

BURBANK, California - Kevin Costner, actor, director, and producer will be one of the hosts of a new dance show on the Fox Network.

The show is basically a spin-off on ABC's "Dancing With The Stars" and is titled, "Dancing With The Wolves."

Co-hosting with Costner will be Stacy Keibler, actress, former professional wrestler, and ex-Dancing With The Stars participant.

Keibler is noted for her gorgeously sexy 42-inch legs which are known nation-wide as "The Weapons of Mass Seduction."

Costner said that "Dancing With The Wolves," like the name implies will feature old actors and celebrities (wolves) who will be dancing with women dancers who are young enough to be their granddaughters.

The five mature male Hollywood celebrities are:

  1. George Hamilton, 69
  2. Burt Reynolds, 73
  3. Clint Eastwood, 78
  4. Jack Nicholson, 71
  5. Hugh Hefner, 82

The format of this show, unlike that of "Dancing With The Stars" calls for the five male performers and their female partners to dance until the male either gets tired out or else falls down. The featured song will keep repeating until there is only one couple still dancing on the dance floor.

The show will run for ten weeks. Each week's winner will receive 10 points. Second place will receive 5 points and third place will receive 1 point.

On the tenth week, the two dancing teams that have the most accumulated points will complete in a commercial-free championship dance off.

If at the end of the special two hour show, both dance teams are still dancing, then the audience will decide the winner by their applause.

The female partners for the five old fellas will be determined on the first show by a coin toss format which will be handled by famed NFL referee Ed Hockuli.

The five young ladies who will be partnered with the old relics include:

  1. Hilary Duff, 21
  2. Scarlett Johansson, 24
  3. Lindsay Lohan, 22
  4. Keira Knightley, 23
  5. Melody Thornton, 24

This novel dance idea first originated in Japan where it was known as "Dancing With The Dragons." Last year's winner was Eeko Yoshikatsu, 101.

Yoshikatsu is the oldest talk show host in the world. The name of his show, which is televised five days a week is, "Shooting The Breeze With Eeko." It was changed last year from its original name, "Shooting The Shit With Eeko."

Kevin Coster's "Dancing With The Wolves" will be sponsored by Viagra, Preparation H, and Ben-Gay Analgesic Heat Rub For Tired Muscles and Joint Pain.

Costner said that a team of five doctors from L.A.'s Our Lady of The San Andreas Fault Hospital will be stationed off-stage just in case.

He stated that the winning couple will receive along with the coveted Golden Geritol Bottle Trophy, $50,000 each, his and hers 2009 Lamgborghini's, a year's supply of Diet Dr. Pepper, and a one week's all-expenses paid vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

Keibler added that the male winner will also be receiving free medical care for one full year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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