Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 10 February 2009

image for Johnny Depp To Star As A Gay Mexican Astronaut
Johnny Depp starring as Gay Mexican Astronaut Jose 'Paquito' De Las Patitas

HOLLYWOOD, California - Columbia Pictures in association with Mexico's Guacamole Films has just announced that Johnny Depp will be starring in their motion picture "Gay Jose, Can You See By The Dawn's Early Light?"

The movie which will be shot down in Durango, Mexico traces the life of little Jose 'Paquito' De Las Patitas, who grows up in a family with 17 brothers and sisters.

The family is dirt-poor and is voted the poorest family in the poorest neighborhood in the little village of Margaritaville, Quintana Roo, in southern Mexico.

Paquito's father, Caldo works 18 hours a day in a pinata repair shop. His mother, Chalupita works part time in a nacho factory where she washes and drys the tortilla chips.

When Paquito turns 16, he leaves home to become a bullfighter, but soon changes his mind once he see's how expensive the 'suit of lights' (bullfighter's outfit) is.

He hitch-hikes on a burro and travels to Cuernavaca where he moves in with his old maid aunt, Salsa Popocatepetl, 64, (38-38-44).

Salsa is the vice-president of The Eva Longoria-Parker Latin-American Fan Club. She tells people that she knows all of the lyrics to every song that Eva has ever recorded.

Paquito says that his aunt claims to have invented tacos, Mexican jumping beans, maracas, Corona Beer, and sombreros.

After living with his aunt Salsa for two weeks, Paquito quickly learns the art of making up shit and he is soon hired as an assistant political writer for the local newspaper, The Cuernavaca Chronicle Tiempos.

He soon writes a book about the infamous Mexican bandit Pancho Villa in which he reveals that Villa had a strange attraction to his horse Si Biscuit.

The book sells three million copies in Mexico, and one million copies in East L.A. and is soon made into a motion picture starring Ricardo Antonio Chavira of 'Desperate Housewives' as Pancho Villa and Big Brown of the Kentucky Derby as Si Biscuit.

Paquito becomes very wealthy and he decides to go to astronaut school to become an astronaut. He graduates at the top of his class and becomes Mexico's first astronaut, and eventually travels to the moon.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The term 'Gay' in Mexico does not mean what it means in the U.S., the U.K., or France. In Mexico the word 'Gay' simply means happy...as in 'The Gay (Happy) Caballero' and 'Zorro The Gay (Happy) Blade'].

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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