Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 9 February 2009

image for Deca-Mom Unveils Plan to Care for Children
Just a handful of kids at home

Questioning her motives on the recent father-less births of ten children to accompany the previous breeding of octuplets, the world press descended on Nancy Stoopidly to ask some questions in basic math.

Before turning to answer the hard questions, Ms. Stoopidly once again proclaimed her love for children as well as her desire to finish high school, and then asked if all of the news agencies had indeed arrived. Stoopidly spoke of phone offers to appear on Oprah, the View and the Larry King show, as well as her agent's plans to market her as "the model mom" with hopes of rolling the media coverage forward into a job opportunity in television. "I know I could provide great advice and counsel for young women struggling with single motherhood. I could be great on the View, or with my own show of course."

"But, you're never home to set an example. How do you intend to care for the ten, much less the eight you already have?" asked one reporter. "I love my children, how dare you." Stoopidly shot back. "You have reporters following you day and night, and you're never home, period. If you divided your actual home time by the number of children you have, you spend less than 5 minutes a day with each!"

"After the hype dies down, I fully intend to do it all from breast feeding to nurturing, to teaching them how to use the microwave and stove to feed themselves." Stoopidly said. Another reporter broke in, "But your oldest children are two years old. Are you daft?"

"As soon as the money rolls in from a television or book deal, I'll have more time to spend at home. With a little more corrective surgery and a lift here or there, it's Hollywood, then I'll have a financial future set for my babies. It's all about the children."

"Aren't you afraid of the example you're setting for young women?" The same reporter asked. "I am counting on it. I think a strong example of motherhood and independence is just what our young 12 to 14 year old girls need."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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