Written by NickFun
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Topics: School, Medical

Sunday, 8 February 2009

image for Medical Schools Forced to Lower Their Standards
It took this medical school student several hours just to learn to put the two things in his ears.

Faced with increased tuition, declining enrollment and a lack of qualified candidates, medical schools across the country have been forced to drastically lower their admissions standards in order to attract incoming students.

Spokespeople from prestigious medical schools such as Harvard, Tufts, UCLA, John Hopkins and Duke University say that the 'more intelligent' students are now pursuing careers in the financial, computer and insurance industries. Therefore, the universities are now accepting applicants with "less than stellar" high school and college grades.

Universities and testing agencies have 'dumbed down' the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) in order to allow these types of students to enter medical school.

"It's a serious problem", said Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine Dean Edward Miller. "Malpractice insurance alone costs a good doctor $200,000 per year, not to mention what a bad doctor must pay. Other insurance costs, office space, personal expenses and other costs make it no longer worth it to become a doctor. As a matter of fact, you'd have to be an idiot to enter the medical profession now."

Not everyone seemed upset over the lowered standards from the medical schools. Mrs. Sharon Johnson of Boise, ID couldn't be more pleased. "My son was always getting bad grades in school and even flunked out of some of his special ed classes but now he's going to be a doctor!" she beamed.

Experts are concerned that the average IQ of incoming medical school freshman is less than 90 and, in some cases, people with an IQ of less than Forrest Gump have been admitted.

"I think I'm going to like medical school", said incoming Yale freshman Stan Borofski. "I hear told that women have to take their clothes off in my office to get their examinations and stuff! I can hardly wait!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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