Airline travelers might want to begin taking deeper breaths during their flights, because next week, the term "paying through the nose" will take on greater meaning. Citing cutbacks and recessionary conditions, the major airlines have decided to take this unprecedented, but unsurprising action.
A spokesman for the airlines, Donald Tooth, is quoted as saying, "For so long, clean fresh air has been enjoyed by all, but that day is over, the oxygen we provide is top notch." The past year has seen losses of over $20.3 billion dollars by the airline industry.
When asked if this action had angered him, passenger Pete McGeet responded, "Heck yea! Who ever heard of payin' for God given air! I thought this was America. Im gonna learn to hold my breath for longer, or maybe bringing some kind of gas tank or somethin I dunno"
The airline disagrees however, calling this new product, "Fresh air for your care!" The air package comes with a few other amenities, such as a big ball of nothing, and an additional package of zero. President of American Airlines, Jill Ripoff, followed up with, "We believe these items are of high value for our passengers, and hope they enjoy the care and effort we put towards creating a quality product."
The airlines hope to roll their product out by April 1st. But they are quick to assure the general public this is no April Fools Joke. Ripoff adds, "Now, if we said something like Airflight in the 2009 year will be a pleasant, low-cost experience, well, then that would be a perfect April Fools Joke."