In response to plummeting opinion poll numbers following the 9-11 Commission's allegation that the Bush Administration misrepresented facts and events leading up to the U.S.'s involvement and subsequent military presence in Iraq, President Bush shocked both his supporters and detractors by learning to tie a bow-tie all by himself.
In a recent Klan Rally/Republican Strategist Conference, Grand Wizard/Alabama Congressman Buck Shotts (R) said, "America and the world ought not exclude from the realm of plausibility that Bush's many, many, many…shortcomings are the result of his wearing clip-on bow-ties fitting too snuggly at the many formal events he attended, thus cutting off much needed circulation to the brain." Congressman Shotts went on to add, "…white power."
Documents and video footage gathered in the wake of "bush-gate" confirm that it was not until his use of clip on ties at Yale that Bush's IQ, vocabulary, spelling, and good taste took a turn for the worse.
An exuberant President Bush acknowledged the overwhelming sense of power he now feels with being pro-choice about something. "See, now I can wear one of them ties with the clip, or I can wear one of them ties without the clip. Uhhh, is there any other kind of tie? I'm gon' ask Condalisa 'bout that one since she used to tie them for me before." A clearly proud President Bush went on to say, "It's definitely liberating and it proves to America that we are a people of peace, a people without limits, a people without clips - unless we don't have the necessary 55 minutes to tie the bow-tie without a clip."
When asked about the relevance of "bush- gate" at a recent Rainbow Coalition Fundraiser/Secret "Soul Plane" viewing, Rev. Jesse Jackson is quoted as saying, "If he CAN not...tie a SLIP knot...then what he DON'T got...is the BLACK VOT…I mean, vote." At that same fundraiser/viewing, Comedian Bill Cosby commented, "It's nice to know his momma taught him how to do something other than stand around and scratch his ass." Minister/Singer Little Richard added, "I been tying ties since I was a baby being smacked by the doctor on the behind! - shut up! Yall know he stole that from me! They all stole from me!"
The Bush cabinet asserts that his tie-tying ability demonstrates his ability to multi-task and otherwise deal effectively with adversity. They went on to allege this as further proof of an Iraq/Al Qaeda connection.
George Bush, Sr. commented, "The sky's the limit for Georgie now. He may even learn to tie his shoes."