Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 7 February 2009

image for The Dallas Cowboys Cookbook Is Now On Sale
Jessica Simpson writes never barbecue a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the peanut oil and grape juice are highly volatile

IRVING, Texas - The wives, girlfriends, and significant others of the Dallas Cowboys have compiled their favorite family recipes into a cookbook.

The cookbook entitled, 'The Dallas Cowboys Gals' Favorite Family Recipes,' is now on sale at the following national chains; The One Gadzillion Books Bookstore, Books 'R' Us, The Wide Wide World of Books, and Baskin-Robbins.

Offensive tackle Marc Colombo's wife, Jessica Colombo's, entry is a recipe for Chicken Fried Sardine Lips.

Mrs. Colombo said that this recipe has been handed down for three generations and that it placed second in last year's Oklahoma City Sooner or Later Sooners Founding Fathers Food Feasting Festival.

Taniqua Ware, wife of linebacker DeMarcus Ware, contributed her secret (until now) recipe for Sweet and Sour Crawdads Smothered in Chorizo Gravy. This dish is reported to be the favorite dish of Ellen DeGeneres, Yao Ming, Ringo Starr, and Regis Philbin.

Taniqua said that the secret is that you only use crawdads that are from two to three weeks old. If you use older ones the sweet taste tends to turn into more of an acidic lemony taste with a hint of duck bill odor.

Tight End Jason Whitten's wife Michelle contributed what she calls Michelle's Mucho Marinated Menudo a la Mexicali. Michelle said that she first heard about this while watching a rerun of The George Lopez Show.

She decided she'd try it and so she prepared it one evening. When her husband got home from football practice he was so hungry he did not even bother to ask her what the dinner meal was. He just ate it and then had two extra helpings.

When he was finished he told her that it was the best beef stew he had ever had. She thanked him and sat down to watch an episode of TNT's 'The Closer' staring Kyra Sedgwick.

Linebacker Carlos Polk's wife who simply goes by the name #52 Polk, her husband's jersey number, listed as her cookbook contribution her husband's grandmother's Cajun recipe, Grandma Polk's Polk Salad Supreme Splattered Over A Heapin' Helpin' Handfull of Halibut Hormones

And quarterback Tony Romo's singer, actress, songwriter girlfriend Jessica Simpson contributed three recipes to the Cowboys cookbook.

The first is her recipe for a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Jessica writes: Get two slices of bread, spread peanut butter on one slice, spread jelly on the other slice, and then carefully put the two slices together, making sure that the unpeanut buttered slice and the unjellied slice both face outward.

Jessica's next recipe was for a Cheese Sandwich: Get two slices of bread, and spread Mayonaise or if you prefer Miracle Salad Dressing on both slices.

Then take a slice of cheese, prefably an individually wrapped Kraft Cheese Slice and put it on one of the bread slices, it really doesn't matter which, you will see that it will work for either slice.

Join the two slices, dry side out, just remember the handy universal reminder method; dry side out (d.s.o.) wet side in (w.s.i.)

And Ms. Simpson's third contribution was for Fruit Cocktail Smothered in Cottage Cheese: Put some cottage cheese in a bowl. Open up a can of fruit cocktail.

Empty the entire contents (making sure no cherry halves are stuck on the inside of the fruit cocktail can) on top of the cottage cheese.

Let it sit for about 40 seconds before eating, this allows for the fruit cocktail juices to intermingle with the cottage cheese juices giving the dish a unique type of quasi fruit cocktail juice/cottage cheese juice flavor.

In related news. Profits from the sale of this book will go to The Rest Home For Retired Ex-Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. located in Blue Earth, Minnesota.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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