Written by freezer101
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Friday, 6 February 2009

image for Disgruntled airline passengers of Hudson Bay crash come forward
Downed jetliner

New information out of Boston today regarding the crash of an US Airways jet piloted by the now famous Captain "Sully" Sullenberger. He was the pilot who successfully landed the powerless airliner in the Hudson Bay without any deaths or major injuries. However, more than 2/3rds of the passengers are now complaining and highly upset no one was killed, maimed or crippled.

Showing up this morning on channel 4's, The Tomorrow Show, several disgruntled passengers were telling CBS's I. Damn Rather, that the pilot is no hero of theirs. Flying in the first-class section of the jetliner, Bertha Isa Miserable, of Cellulite, Mississippi, explained that their group got together, and eventually came to the conclusion that U.S. Airways conspired with the pilot to land the jet safely with no passenger injuries. Furious about the safe landing too, was Ayl Bea Damned, of Noneck, Tennessee, who stated, "Just my luck, buzzard luck. I couldn't win a lottery if I had the winning ticket in my hand." Both passengers reflected the sentiment held by the rest of the group.

Unable to understand why these passengers were so upset, I.Damned Rather asked the group that since the pilot crashed-landed the plane safely, and with no injuries to the passengers, what more could they ask for? Mr. Damned stated, "We can't sue the airline company, and live happily ever after. Don't you see, of all the jets that have crashed and produced casualties, with the survivors, and their families receiving millions in compensation, WE had to be flying on a jet with a stupid pilot who new what the hell he was doing. Buzzard luck I tell ya."

As of this writing, several passengers from the group, headed by Ayl Bea Damned, are pursuing litigation against the airline company for conspiracy to block lawsuits. "Every citizen in this country is entitled by the U.S. Constitution to redress of grievances, and U.S. Airways blatantly, and with malice aforethought, obstructed our legal right to sue them by crash-landing the plane safely," he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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