Tony Blair has become the first British ex-leader to meet Barack Obama since the President was sworn in. 'Whoever you are', Obama said, 'you're a good friend. A good friend of George W. Bush's, I've never heard of you.'
This was at the National Grovel-In Breakfast, where foreign ex-leaders can meet Mr. Obama to grovel in a sycophantic way, and say 'Please, sir, can I have more publicity and more bombs?'
The President made a brief speech to Mr. Blair. 'Mr - this one'e called Blair, OK - Mr. Blair, I was most impressed by your leadership of - of Britain, during whenever you led it and whatever you did there. I was particularly impressed by - and let us not wander of course here, like someone filling in his sentences with lots of what we may say is, well, plain waffle - I was impressed by your masterly handling of what now turns out to be an imaginary threat from invisible weapons, by a CIA puppet in the Third World. Or barefaced lies, as my momma would have called it.'
And Mr. Blair replied: 'Mr, President, yes, the minute I realised there was no truth about those weapons I said to myself - 'Tone, old chap, it's time to bugger off to America again to lick the boots of the next person who's paying my wages', and so here I am. Well, Cherie told me to get over here, she fancied a bit of deer hunting and beer drinking in the Blue Hill Mountains, and I wanted to meet the Waltons.'
And the President said: 'The old friendship between America and - Germany? Holland, Sweden, Japan, Israel ... so many cards to look through, ah, got it! - Britain is one that is as friendly as you can get between a country that fought a bitter war of independence against its former repressive masters and slave-traders, and a country that is those very former slave-traders and colonialists.'
'My friend Tony here, and we must never lose sight of this point, supported unequivocably President Bush's illegal invasion of Iraq, and supported or at least ignored the war criminals in Israel. One day both myself and Mr. Blair will actually grow a spine, but until then it's all about smiling and waving, and acting like a couple of high school teenagers on a date together.'
'Mr. President, I can only say that this Grovel-In is, well, what my other good friend George W. Bush would call highly grovellious! But now that Mr. Bush is no longer on TV, I guess I'm stuck with you - whoever who are.' 'Mr. Blair, I can only say that my welcoming you is not hypocritical, and I'll be welcoming Dick Cheney at next year's Grovel-In, once my rating has sunk below the horizon.'
And so the two left the building, swearing to never mention Israel or weapons of mass destruction again. Or Iraq or Afghanistan. Or the socialist habit of nationalising banks. Or ...