BELLFLOWER, California - Nadya Suleman, the woman who gave birth to octuplets ten days ago is pregnant. It is amazing. It is unbelievable. But it is true.
Ms. Suleman says that she took an EPT test and the results show that she is in fact pregnant.
Doctor's at L.A.'s Zsa Zsa Gabor Hospital say that they are totally puzzled as it is extremely unusual for a woman to get pregnant so soon after giving birth. But, they say Ms. Suleman is not your average mother.
Doctor Ishio Sosumu said that he has examined Ms. Suleman at least half a dozen times.
And he has noted than unlike most women who only have two egg-producing ovaries, Ms. Suleman has an amazing 16 ovaries.
And he says that her body contains hundreds of eggs that have dozens of suction-like cups attached to them that are capable of catching sperm that are swimming by at speeds of 200 miles per hour.
Dr. Sosumu said that it is too early to tell, but he predicts that given Suleman's history she will probably be giving birth to decaplets (10 babies) some time in early November.
Ms. Suleman, aka 'The Super Woman,' aka 'The Countess of Conception,' aka 'The Woman With The Biggest Vagina On The Planet,' has no husband. She does however have an acquaintance whom she shyly refers to as 'My Sperm Donor.'
Dozens of reporters have been digging around and they have found that Mr. S.D. is really Mr. D.S.
Nadya says that D.S. is very shy and he does not want anyone to know who he is so she protects his identity like a mama bear protecting her cubs.
David Solomon was asked by reporters why he is so shy about coming out and admitting that he is in fact Mr. S.D. Solomon replied, "I don't know, I guess I have always been shy. Even as a child I would always take a bath with my clothes on.
I had no idea what my wiener looked like until I turned 12." Solomon was asked why he and Nadya do not get married. And he remarked that they had never really discussed it.
Nadya Suleman, whom doctor's refer to as 'The Ronco Baby Machine' is only 33-years-old. So it is possible that before she reaches the end of her child-bearing years 'The Walking Womb' could end up possibly having about 135 more kids.
Even her mother says, "My Nadya is obsessed with having babies. The condom companies hate her."
A plastic surgeon in China, Dr. Cling Bong Clong, has offered to glue Nadia's two knees together.
A sex therapist in Peru, Dr. Blanca Azul, has suggested that Nadya's labia majora and labia minora be sewn together with Chem-Cran X-250, which is the strongest string known to man.
Nadya laughs it all off by saying. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Okay, fair enough. It appears then that the only way to stop this fertile-as-hell egg bearing human incubator is that someone, perhaps a child psychologist is going to have to hit Nadya with sticks and stones.
In other news. Reports coming out of England say that singer Amy Winehouse has been kidnapped. Police report that the kidnappers are very upset because they do not know who to send the ransom note to. Even police are asking the public for help with this most unusual kidnapping.