June 17, 2004 - In light of the recent Senate Intelligence Committee's findings that there was no connection between Al Quaeda's 9-11 strike and Saddam Hussein, Vice-president, Dick Cheney, admitted today to a news reporter,
"Oh well, maybe I lied to the American Public when I said that there was a strong link between the Al Quaeda terrorists and Saddam Hussein before we bombed the crap out of Iraq and sexually humiliated some of its detainees. I was pissed off about 9-11, and so were most Americans, so I was just telling 65% of them what they wanted to hear anyway!"
"But Mr. Vice-president, are you now admitting that you fudged the facts to fool the American Public who had entrusted you with office to be honest to them about reasons to go to war using their sons and daughters in combat?"
Cheney responded, "Look son, we here in Washington are pretty good at talking out of three sides of our mouths at the same time. That's what politics in the Capital is all about! Don't be naive like 65% of the American Public. I was able to fool most of 'em until yesterday's Senate report came out!"
"What now?" begged the reporter. Cheney shrugged, "The American Public is still naive: another 65% of them will believe whatever I say is the truth about Terror even though it's not. If the American Public wants to hear the truth, let them listen to, well, - Dan Rather. But if they want a government that will vigorously revenge all demons, including imaginary ones, too, stay with Bush-Cheney in 2004! How's that for a tasty sound-bite?"
Reporter, "How does the President, G.W., feel about all of this? Cheney: "Oh, George? He feels prettty good about it because he really doesn't give a s..t about the truth, only about what's right. Our whole re-election campaign will be about showing the difference between the truth and what's right, - how's that for a little sneak preview of what's to come? We're talking about patriotism here!"
"Hmmm," murmured the reporter. "What's that?" asked Cheney. "Oh, I'm a patriot too, replied the reporter. "You are?" questioned Cheney. "I doubt it unless you're a registered Republican. All of them Democrats are puddin'-headed, non-believers in George, so how can they be "patriots?" Maybe 'New England Patriots,' hah, but not the real thing! Remember, 'Right Over Truth' can fool 'em most of the time."