Construction workers are anxious and investigators are puzzled as someone has been sending San Francisco's portable toilets up in flames in a wave of potty pyromania.
"Shit Fire! It's an outrage," said Steven Edison, a 59-year-old contractor who has been working on apartment building renovations on Russian Hill, the elegant neighborhood that is home to famously crooked Lombard Street and has had most of the fires.
"I was in one of those things, enjoying a read while on break and all at once I smelled smoke and the fumes from the potty...well, it looked like a little lightning storm."
"That's right", stated Dilbert Lindsey, a workhand. One exploded on Larry Billings who looked like The Shit Thing when we got him out."
Since November, at least 20 of the ubiquitous construction site toilets have been set afire in the city, creating a trail of malodorous wreckage and causing an estimated $50,000 in property damage, according to fire officials, plus several workers have been injured trying to stomp the burning Potties out.
"If I ever get my hands on the little turds who are doing this, I'm tossing him in head first", stated Edison.