NEW YORK CITY, NY - Jonsen & Jonsen have stopped production of their Kentucky (KY) Gelly after it was discovered the product contained the bacteria known as salmonella.
Over the course of last week, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) interviewed hundreds of people who had become ill. "We were expecting to find peanut products were to blame," said Dr. Robert Tauxe of the CDC. "Instead, it turned out they had all used the well-known sexual lubricant known as KY. In fact," he admitted, turning a little red, "My wife and I are just recuperating, ourselves."
As of Monday, 572 people in 39 states, France and Greece had become sick after using products from the popular line of water-soluble lubricants, and that number appears to be growing. Among those KY Gelly products implicated were Original, Extra Crispy, Mine and Yours, Just The Three of Us, KY Extreme, KY Unisex, Alpine Blast, and Tropic Breeze, as well as artificially flavored KY Chocolate, Cherry, Honey BBQ, and Southwest Chipotle versions. And the recall is widening.
The company immediately halted production at their plants. As KY Gelly is the #1 recognized brand of recreational lubricants, Jonsen & Jonsen hopes consumers will not begin opting for petroleum based products now instead of their own biologically inert brand. Therefore, they also ordered a recall of all K.Y. products, offering full refunds. However, some are upset anyway.
"It's already a little embarrassing just purchasing the stuff," said Mona Lott. "Now, I have to take it back and explain that I have a vaginal infection? That I'm puking and have diarrhea too? This really sucks. All I really wanted was an orgasm."