Written by freezer101
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Monday, 2 February 2009

image for Punxsutawney Phill assassinated
Punxsutawney Phil just prior to his assassination

Heart breaking news today out of Pennsylvania where police arrested a group of hunters for shooting Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog whose shadow made him famous because of his ability to predict the length of time until spring came. Phil saw his shadow alright, but it was the shadow of death stalking him.

The hunters arrested for the dastardly deed called themselves, "Citizens Rallying Against Prognosticators," or "CRAP" for short. All 5 hunters were hustled away to police headquarters under tight security for further questioning and processing. Arraignment is expected on Wednesday.

Relied on for decades by weathermen, the public, NASA, airlines, farmers, and World Leaders, news of Phil's assassination caused widespread indignation and panic. Weathermen were seen running in the streets shouting they wouldn't be able to predict the weather any longer, and airlines grounded for fear of winter storms beyond the 6 week limit until springtime. Farmers were already seeking government subsidies because planting schedules can't proceed due to speculation regarding spring's arrival.

As for the hunters, police are focusing their attention on the groups' leader, Former PETA official, and alleged mastermind of the plot, I. Hayta Groundhogs, of Redneck, Kentucky.

With Punxsutawney Phil's demise, one can only wonder whether the weather will weather Phil's absence in the weather.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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