Written by Adam Click
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Topics: Army, Nuns

Friday, 6 February 2009

image for An Army of Nuns
An Army of Nuns descends upon a terrorist stronghold.

The Pentagon today unveiled it's newest initiative, an effort to gentrify it's troops dubbed "An Army of Nuns". Composed entirely of Catholic school sisters,the "Army of Nuns" are to be sent into conflicts where the enemy combatants are unruly or otherwise acting out.

"This was no easy feat." explained Drill Sergeant Hulka as he reviewed his troops during the graduation ceremony from basic training."How do you yell at someone whose only response is to smile angelically back at you and whisper "Let it be."? Even deciding on an uniform was difficult.After several attempts we finally settled on a Habit in black and grey camo. And the obstacle course was particularly challenging as nuns tend to meet each new obstacle with prayer and meditation."

The sisters have some formidable weapons at their disposal. Not only can they summon the wrath of God but they also have high-tech Military issue rulers. "These rulers are composed of hardened graphite with luminescent markings. They have a special curved edge which makes it difficult for the enemy to hear it coming. It's "Whoosh! Smack!" and suddenly your hand is stinging like a son of a...ouch!"

In an Interview after the ceremony platoon leader Reverend Mother Superior Placido explained how her unit might function in combat."We will meet their transgressions with a steely gaze and a disapproving smirk. If they persist in their wrong doing then we shall bless them with our rulers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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