Written by Dan DiLucchio
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Thursday, 17 June 2004

image for Bush Administration Needs Cheerleaders
Go George, Go!

Washington, DC June 16, 2004. George Bush said he is tired of constantly growing public criticism. He directed his staff to find a solution. The Bush administration promptly huddled to identify a way to reverse their daily drop in the polls. The war, the economy, a stressful election and a divisive atmosphere has been creating a national pessimism. The Republican Party, putting pressure on the President, called for a halt to the slide.

After months of seclusion, Bush's chief advisors emerged from under their collective rocks and presented him with a creative and innovative plan. "What we need are some cheerleaders for this administration," said Dr. Condoleeza Rice, the National Security Advisor, "No really, cheerleaders. Presidential cheerleaders have never been employed before and we are willing, and desperate enough, to try this."

Rice, once Stanford University's Head Cheerleader, is the program's architect and agreed to act as coach, manager and housemother to the women. Visitors to Stanford's Maples Pavillion can see Rice's retired cheerleading skirt hanging from the rafters. No one at Stanford could explain this.

The women will be housed in the famous West Wing of the White House, sharing limited space with a delighted Martin Sheen, who, after five seasons on TV really believes he is President Bartlett.

The decision resulted in immediate controversy and further polarization of the country. The National Organization for Men Who Love Women saluted the idea. Women's rights groups called the concept exploitive, while the International Gay Coalition insisted that at least two of the thirteen cheerleaders be from San Francisco.

Most of the cheerleader applicants are unemployed interns from the Clinton administration.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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