Congress, finally realizing that a majority of Americans aren't techno-savvy, have delayed the switch from analog broadcasts to all digital broadcasts. The move, which would have required millions of Americans to learn how to read the instructions, was deemed an occasion whose time has not yet come.
"We don't want to force the American people into even greater hardship in this time of trials," A U.S. Congressman from one state remarked, under the agreement that his name and state would not be mentioned. "I have constituents who would be forced to give up 'Wheel of Fortune,' and that's something that would cost me votes."
This reporter had many more questions for the anonymous informant, but the approach of other Washington dignitaries frightened our source into turning up his collar and walking away.