An official of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has announced that the Canadian geese who were sucked into the engines of US Airways, Flight 1549, were not only the real heroes, but martyrs. Mr. R-rrrr-robert "Bow-Wow" Barker, President of the quasi-terrorist animal rights organization, claimed at a noon news conference at PETA headquarters in Iliusat, Greenland that this flock of geese was on a mission of mercy for mankind.
"These winged heroes were flying Salmonella-free peanut butter to the deprived children of Minneapolis, Minnesota before they were so wantonly consumed by the technological travesty of man's brazen attempt to conquer the skies," Mr. Barker stated. He added that these geese were part of a secret CDC program in which the avian population was being trained to fly various essentials to a stricken population in case of a disaster in the event there was no other way to transport supplies. "If you look at the NTSB report," Mr. Barker continued, "You will find that the engines not only had feathers and beaks and avian innards, but they also contained tan, sweet globs that were coating the blades. Peanut butter!" It was subsequently learned that Minneapolis had been without peanut butter for six weeks and the city government was threatening to secede from Minnesota and become a territory of Canada.
"So, before you start writing books and movies about this 'Miracle on the Hudson,'" concluded Mr. Barker, "don't forget to honor the glory of the Canadian geese who were victimized by man's inhumanity to fowl."
CDC has refused to comment. Meanwhile, Minneapolis, still deprived of peanut butter, is flying the flag of Canada and is calling its police "Mounties."